pass the gluten-dairy-egg-free bread please

In an effort to at least half-way catch you up on the year-long break I took from blogging, this post is dedicated to my sweet middle child, whom we affectionately refer to as T-dog.

Titus Samuel is an amazing little boy if I do say so myself.  He has a very strong will (We are working on making sure that works for his good and not destruction later on in life, but that is a different post for a different day.), but he does not have a strong stomach.  It leaks actually.  All-the-time.  To be perfectly honest, when it comes to the bodily fluids that ooze out of his body, he is one disgusting little boy (in the most adorable way, of course).  I’m not a particularly squeamish woman when it comes to dealing with my children’s diapers and bathroom needs, but after dealing with Titus, I am definitely looking forward to the day when I don’t have to deal with that aspect of their lives e.v.e.r. a.g.a.i.n.  But, that time has not come yet, so we just deal with it and don't let it spoil all the other special times during this stage of life..  AND, we PRAISE GOD that he has not had any reactions such as anaphylactic shock.  I will take nasty diapers ANY DAY over the fear that comes from wondering if your child will breathe again.     

It all started two Christmases ago.  To give you a frame of reference and an idea of what our life looked like then, this was about two months after our miscarriage.  Titus had been having some mild diarrhea regularly ever since he started eating solid food, but after waking up Christmas night to Titus throwing up and having diarrhea all night long, we knew that we had to do something.  So, we decided to perform some science experiments, I mean an elimination diet, on Titus.  After doing this, we realized that the little man has LOTS of allergies/sensitivities that cause this leaky gut.  And, since we were in Asia in a small city with no medical care close by at the time, we began our journey of self-diagnosis and treatment, which pretty much meant that we fed him specific foods, waited a few days to see what happened, and then eliminated everything that caused diarrhea.  Here’s the crazy list….

Dairy

Egg whites

Wheat

Oranges

Berries

Tomatoes

Corn

Pork (this one was especially fun to deal with in a country where pork is the main meat!  they even put small pieces of it in the vegetable dishes and use pork broth to cook lots of dishes)

And, since coming to the states and going through IgE IgG blood testing, we have added….

Peanuts (his favorite food was, of course, peanut butter)

Coconut

Cantaloupe

It appears that this all began back when Titus was 4 months old and had pneumonia.  Of course, he had to be put on antibiotics in order to treat this, and this began an imbalance in his system that caused this “leaky gut” as well as the string of colds and croup cases we had with him during his first year of life.  By his first birthday, he had been on several rounds of antibiotics, making the imbalance worse.  

This is definitely one of those thorns I wish we didn't have to deal with, but it is the reality we have.  We are choosing to be thankful for the progress we are making and for our T-dog, who has been such a trooper through all our science experiments, I mean medical testing, we have done on him.  We have been treating him with some pretty heavy duty probiotics the last 4 months, and we just recently began to start adding foods back into his diet.  So, far he has been able to digest tomatoes properly, and this week we are trying out some cheese, which is going well so far, but we are only on the second day of experimentation.  This has been a continual reminder to us that we cannot choose what happens to us in this life, but we can choose to go to God with what we have been dealt.  Each time i change a nasty diaper, I naturally just want to cry from the discouragement that he still has to deal with this trial, but I have been challenged lately to pray in that instant instead (admittedly, this still does not happen each time...I still throw a rockin' pity party sometimes).  I am so thankful that we serve the Great Physician, who is more than able..     

Between Two Worlds

I must admit that I have been in a funk lately.  Everything has just felt off.  My mind has struggled to pinpoint the reason behind it all but just comes up empty.  Then, I am reminded that we will always come up empty if we try to discern with our mind what is going on in our heart.  God alone knows what is truly going on there.  God alone can give us the answers. 

Psalm 119:37  “Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in Your ways.” 

This was the answer that He gave me.  Seek Him.  Seek Him.  Seek Him.  Nothing and no one else in this world will help. 

One of the things I have pondered, maybe a little too much, is the fact that we are in the middle.  My soul has wanted to complain, and has indulged a bit even, about this fact.  The life that we lived in Asia has ended.  The lives of our friends there have continued without us.  The life we are building here is still in the construction phase.  My patience is tested to say the least.  Again, the party planner in me wants to sit in pity.  But where is God in that?  Instead, I want to choose thankfulness and joy today.

 

Thank you, God, that the work continues even after we have left.

Thank you, God, that You know exactly what this life will look like when this current construction is over.  You know.  You know every detail, and I don’t need to worry. 

As I’ve thought about our current place between these two lives, one known and one unknown, I've also been led to reflect on the fact that this life that I live will always be, in fact, one that is in the middle.  Thankfully, I am no longer stuck in the doomed life I was born into.  I am no longer facing an eternity of separation from God and agony in Hell.  But, I have also not arrived at the perfect eternity together with Him that he promises to those who believe.  However, until I arrive at that final destination, I get to spend my life getting to know Him better, serving Him in this temporary world, loving my family sacrificially, and allowing Him to perfect and refine me so that I reflect Him more and more with each passing day of this temporary existence.  Thankfully, He is patient enough to work with a stubborn sinner like me. :)  

Meet Moriah Faith!!

I know, she is 2 ½ months old.  Judge if you must, but you ought to know by now that when we have a lot going on and blogging isn’t necessarily my priority!  But, rest assured that I have been writing!  I just didn’t want to keep posting things before I got around to announcing our newest daughter, whose pictures weren't on the computer yet. (you can't announce someone without a picture!!!) J  God and I are currently addressing my time management issues!  Feel free to laugh as you read the birth announcement of our 2 ½ month old! 

So, here she is!!  Moriah Faith Vipperman, born October 26, 2012

She is precious and very easy going so far.  We love her blue eyes and cute little dimples!  And, most of all, we just love her because she is ours.  The name Moriah is Hebrew for “God is my teacher/helper”.  It is also the name of the mountain where the temple was built as well as where Isaac was offered up as a sacrifice to God.  While, we have no plans of tying her to an altar and raising a knife up in the air, we have learned in our short time as parents that our children belong to God.  He is in control, and we need to trust completely in Him when it comes to raising them, even when it doesn't make complete sense.  We have definitely been through a lot in the last few years, where we have seen this truth played out more than ever.  He has been teaching us and helping us to know even more how to have Faith in Him, especially when we don’t know what the outcome will be.  So, it is our prayer that as we shepherd her sweet heart along with her siblings, that we will lean into her Creator to teach us even more how to have Faith in him at all times. 

My Show or His?

It’s the first week of ballet class, and I’m watching my precious Elly Bean in her pink tights and pink leotard with the sheer attached skirt on it that twirls around when she spins and never ceases to make her giggle.  Her hair is pulled up in a perfect ballet bun and the tendrils are pinned back with her favorite sparkly heart bows that we bought in Hong Kong on a special mommy/daughter outing to H&M.  I have no idea how this is going to go.  I have no idea what she will do.  I only know that we felt like it would be good for her to try it out as we seek to help her adjust to America.  I watch her through the glass and make all the silly gestures I can think of to encourage her.  But, every now and then something happens.  She drops her shoulders and her head, making her a good 3 inches shorter at least, pouts, and walks away a little, but she always goes back to the group.  I think, “It’s fear. She’s not sure about this new situation”.  After all, she has had so many recently.  So, after class we talk about it some.  In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I implanted the idea into her head.  We go over verses on fear and how God is there so there is no need for fear and memorize one even.  I pray over her all week long with more verses that speak against fear.

Week two arrives.  My parents happened to be babysitting that afternoon so I could go to a doctor’s appointment in peace.  They were also going to babysit for us that night so I could take Vip out for a Birthday date, so they decided to tag along to ballet class to watch the fun.  Oh, am I a sight to behold....33 weeks pregnant, pushing a stroller with a 2 year old sitting in it, holding hands with a whimpering 4 year old (she just happened to get a splinter in her hand as soon as we got out of the car…yes it was a traumatic start to the class), and her parents behind her walking into the recreation center!  We were a very exciting caravan to say the least! 

The three of us are so excited over our Elly Bean’s second ballet class, so we start taking pictures and are as silly as you can imagine.  I can only imagine what the other parents who are busy texting, reviewing homework with older children, and calmly waiting are thinking of us.  That’s not to mention the host of Asian ping pong players behind us having conversations in a language that was once all I heard in my former life.  It really is quite surreal at some moments that I hear anything other than Chinese from day to day (but that’s a post for another day). 

Eliana starts out good.  She’s pointing her toes.  She has a killer plie.  She holds her hands out like she has the biggest bubble ever and doesn’t pop it.  Her feet are positioned really well for a 4 year old in my humble mommy opinion.  Mom and I remark on how good she is doing.  And, then about 5 minutes later, it happens.  She drops her head and shoulders again.  She walks away.  She comes back.  She shrinks again.  She starts to cry, and she doesn’t stop for the next 30 minutes of class.  My heart just sinks.  I don’t know what’s going on or what I can do to help her.  Part of me wanted to just go in and grab her, but I knew that wouldn’t help her.  So, I just kept watching her, trying to think of some elaborate hand motion that would make it all better.  None of them worked. (I know, you are shocked!)  She cried until five o’clock, when she lined up to get her stamp on her hand and come out to where I was waiting.  Then, she immediately perked up, showed me her stamp and even handed her teacher a picture she had drawn. 

I was supposed to pay a $50 costume fee to her teacher for their recital, which at that point terrified me due to her crying session for the last 30 minutes.  I kept thinking “am I about to fork over $50 for a dress up outfit?”  But, just like when we painted the room blue before I was ever pregnant with Titus and we cleaned out the closet in the extra bedroom before I was ever pregnant with Eliana, I knew I was supposed to pay that money. 

As I was getting ready for my date, I talked a lot with Eliana about what had happened.  I never expected to hear what she said. 

She said that she did not want to do what her teacher told her to do. 

It wasn’t some deep complex emotional issue she was struggling with.  It was simple.  Her teacher had a plan for their class that she didn’t like, so she threw a fit in order to display her displeasure.  As it turned out, we made the mistake by telling her that there would be a show at the end of the semester for her to dance in with her friends.  One of her favorite things to do at home is to put on “shows”.  They never make sense, but they always involve costumes, sets, and spinning around a lot.  So, she thought that she would get to have creative power over this show too and was not too excited that someone else was at the creative helm.  After all, what did her ballet teacher know about shows?  Eliana was the real expert when it came to putting on shows! 

So, here are the two applications that struck me through all this. 

1)  I need to do more listening to my child if I want to find out what is really going on.  Maybe if I hadn’t planted the complex idea of fear in a new situation into her, I would have been able to deal with the real problem a week earlier.  I need to be asking more open ended questions as I try to wade through the waters of her heart. 

2)  How often do I decide I would do a better job in leading my days?  How often do I take the reins of control away from my Heavenly Father?  Do I really think that I can choreograph a better dance than Him?  How often does He tell me what to do, and I respond by dropping my head and shoulders, pushing out my bottom lip, and throwing the world’s biggest toddler tantrum you have ever seen?    The Creator of the universe deserves much more respect than what I often give Him. 

Still Hungry for More

I'm hanging out again with Kandy Persall over at www.hungryformore.org today, so if you missed it yesterday, check it out today!! 

Producing Salty Water or Fresh?

I'm very honored today to be at a special mentor and friend's blog today!  I first met Kandy Persall while I was in college on my first overseas trip to Taiwan.  I was falling in love with God like I never had before, falling in love with Taiwan, and falling in love with Vip (my amazing and wonderful hubby), who I met on my first trip over there.  She's been a mentor I could write at anytime, and I always knew i would hear back from her with words from Father, and that she would be praying for me and my family.  With her blog and book (Hungry for More), you get a glimpse of what it is like to have a special mentor like that in your life since everytime I read something on there, I feel like I am opening up one of my special emails from her. 

So, if you haven't had the chance to check out Kandy Persall's blog, you need to!   

A New Start

A New Start

If any of you are still around from a year ago, I must admit that I am shocked.  But, I did warn you!  I told you I had no idea how often I would be blogging, and sure enough it has been almost a year!  But, that’s okay.  Sometimes, you need to breathe.  Shortly after you heard from me last, God gave me Hebrews 12:12-13 during one of our times together.  It has been a lifeline and my verse for the last year

. 

“Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.” 

I so needed to see His black and white Words.  I needed to see that God wanted me to be healed of the hurt we endured over the last 2 years….that it was a priority to Him.  I needed to remind myself constantly that He wants me to be healthy.  He does not desire for me to be “lame” or “out of joint”.   He wants me “strengthened.”  Isn’t our God amazing? He truly is the God who sees…the God who loves….the God who cares. 

So, where has all this brought us to?  Well, for starters, it has brought us to two new journeys!  First, we are getting ready in just 4-5 weeks to have our fourth little baby!  Yes, this will only be the third baby that I will get to hold, but I hate telling people who ask me how many children I have that this will be number three.  Of course, I don’t need to get into a deep conversation about miscarriages and how very real my child was that we lost with everyone I encounter, but I will acknowledge that life here.  This is my fourth child, and we are so excited to meet her!! 

The second new journey we have begun is life back in America as of May 1.  Our adventures will be a little more western for now!  People are always asking us how long we are back, and we just tell them that we are here for now.  We won’t be so arrogant as to say we will never return or that we will definitely return.  But, we also feel very strongly that this will be a pretty long run.  I plan to share more about the transition back in blogs to come!  In case you are curious, it is quite the process and not one that we expected to make either!  But, we are so thankful for God’s provision along the way and His constant reminders that we are doing what He has asked us to do.

I enjoy writing and find that there is healing that takes place when I do it (remember Hebrews 12:12-13!  Healing is awesome!) .  So, I’m returning to my blogging world.  Hope you enjoy, are intrigued, maybe laugh, and open yourself up to some healing too if you are in the market for it like I was and still am.